Let's Go Fly A Kite

Shane got a kite at a birthday party and couldn't wait to go out with Eric and give it a try. They headed out to the park near by.

Shane was ready to take off!

There it goes!

The girls were riding bike and decided to join in on the action!

Finally after a couple tries it was up in the air. Shane was so excited.

Buzz Light Year was way up in the air.

The kids then decided to take it into their own hands. Eric and I had fun sitting in the grass and watching them work together to get the kite back in the air.

After a couple tries ....

we had 3 very proud kids!

"Friend Cafe"

I know I have mentioned this before but Shane has such an amazing preschool teacher. She was such a blessing to us this year and just the teacher Shane needed. She has been so excited about Shane's new little brother that we are adopting from China. She put together a unit on China and Shane was so excited. Shane would wake up and ask if it was preschool day. When I would say yes he would say "Oh good I get to learn about my baby brother today!!" It was so fun to see the things that he learned and his excitement for the culture and country that his new brother is from. At the end of the unit they were going to go on a field trip to a Chinese Restaurant. The field trip fell through so Shane's teacher decided to have a Chinese Restaurant right in their classroom. It was called Peng You Cafe which means "Friend Cafe!" Shane was so excited for us to join him on this special day. It just so happened that a pipe by the girls school broke and the water was contaminated so school was canceled so the girls were able to come to the cafe as well. The girls were excited too!

Shane and some of his friends were busy in the kitchen making some stir fry!

MMMMM doesn't that look yummy!

The kids were served stir fry, rice, Mandarin oranges and of course tea. They also had the opportunity to try eating with chopsticks. It was fun watching all the kids try to carefully pick up their food or just try to stab it!

Alexa and Emma had fun too. Shane felt like such a big boy that the girls got to come to his school and be a part of his special day!

The kids also made homemade fortune cookies. Shane's teacher made fortunes for each of them to put inside the cookie. Shane's read "Shane, you are intelligent, kind and fun. You bring joy to so many and you will be the BEST big brother ever!"

What a fun morning!

Shane's teacher sent this special book home with him as a gift. She wrote a note to him inside. As I read to him the note that talked about what a great big brother he was going to be he was going to be he grinned from ear to ear.

Emma's Heart Forever Changed

My friend Leigh Ann's life has touched Emma's heart in a special way. Alexa and Emma have been trying to process all of this. They are struggling with what does it really look like or mean that their friends don't have a mommy. Alexa says it doesn't make sense in her head because she can't see them. Before Easter Emma was talking about New Life at school. Emma drew a picture of herself in the grave and me and Jesus in heaven. She wrote in her phonetic handwriting ... New Life is going to see my mommy and Jesus in heaven.

Emma also asked me while Eric was on a trip if daddy didn't make it home from his trip and died if I would be sad. It has been very evident that Emma is trying to process all of this. It has been hard wondering what is going on in that little head of hers and knowing how to answer some of her questions. They are tough questions and hard to explain to someone at the age of 6. They are questions I struggle with as an adult. Emma's sad for her friend Bailey who lost his mom. She has gone from praying for Bailey, his brother and sister and dad to all the kids in the world who don't have moms.

Eric and I had a conversation one night with Emma at the table and she was talking about heaven. She said that me and Eric and Alexa would go to heaven someday. Eric asked her if she thought she would and she said not yet because she didn't ask Jesus in her heart. We were pretty amazed that she had drawn that line and understood fully what having Jesus in her heart meant. We both had another conversation with her along the same lines. We both wondered what was stopping her from making that decision and yet we didn't want to push her. It was amazing she could draw that line and say she knew she wasn't going to heaven. Saturday night before Easter Emma ran downstairs to get a drink of water after she had been tucked in. She ran to give me a kiss with a huge smile on her face. I asked her why the big smile and she said she was just thinking about Leigh Ann in heaven. She quickly ran back upstairs. AMAZING!!! She didn't learn that from me. I have to admit she sees me cry more often than smile when I think of Leigh Ann because of the pain and loss I selfishly feel. Emma caused me to sit and really think about Leigh Ann in heaven. I did wonder what kind of celebration would go on in heaven on Easter?

On Monday, April 5 Alexa and Emma were home for Easter break and had laid down for a nap. Emma woke up and had that big smile again. She looked at me and told me she had asked Alexa to help her pray to ask Jesus into her heart. She had told Eric's mom that she prayed and that now she could go to heaven like Leigh Ann! Emma's heart is forever changed!

Easter Fun

In the afternoon we headed over to my parents. Grammy gave them their Easter baskets of goodies.

They were excited about new books, Zhu Zhu pets ....

lip gloss and of course new spring pj's!

I love this picture of Alexa and her cousin Bailey!

The kids then had an Easter Egg Hunt! It was so fun watching them run through the yard with big smiles in search of those little plastic eggs.

Of course when Uncle Justin is around there is always some type of fun going on!

The kids anxiously opened their eggs to see what kind of treats were inside.

The of course there was the 2nd appearance of the "Easter Pig!"The Easter Pig made his first appearance last year. The kids have been talking about it ever since. So once again he decided to make an appearance.

Shane didn't waste any time taking him down and trying to figure out who was inside!

There is nothing like finishing the day with a little Chocolate!

Easter

Easter was the first holiday that I walked through on this journey. It was a tough morning. As I woke up and got ready and then got my little ones up and ready our friend Greg and his 3 kids were never far from our minds. Before church I couldn't help but think about how different their Easter morning looked with out their mom. The tears had started early and continued to fall during Church. As we sang songs about Christ's victory over death and the promise of new life the tears flowed. These words I have sung over and over again Easter after Easter and yet this year these words felt so different. They were so real if that even makes sense. There is something about worshiping and singing about heaven when someone you love is there. I just kept thinking about my friend and wondered what kind of celebration was going on in Heaven on Easter. I just can't quite imagine what worship is like in heaven especially on Easter. I can tell you this. I can't wait until I can really sing my heart out in heaven and it actually will be in tune and sound beautiful!

I usually love finding the kids Easter outfits and this year it just wasn't a priority. So a couple days before Easter I pulled out the girls dresses from the year before and low and behold they fit! The sweater sleeves were a little short but we just pulled them up! I hope I can find the balance of finding joy and having energy to pour into things that I enjoy doing but still able to let go of some things and not stress myself out with details that don't really matter.

How can these 3 little blessings not make your day a little brighter!

I just can't say enough how much Eric's love and support has carried me. In this difficult time God has truly blessed our marriage with an amazing strength. I pray we can continue to grow in the months to come.

After church we headed to Eric's sister's house for lunch. The weather was actually beautiful. You just never know what kind of weather Easter will bring in the Midwest. It could be sun, wind, rain or even snow! I was very thankful for beautiful spring day. The kids had tons of fun playing with their cousins. Here is Emma and cousin Callie!

We also had an Easter Egg Hunt! The kids were so excited.

I love this picture even though heads are chopped a little. I love their little faces and moving in every direction.

It was a nice relaxing day with family. There is always so much joy in watching the kids and their love for life!

A Morning At The Breadsmith

I love going on field trips with my kids. I was able to go with Emma on her field trip to the Breadsmith. The Breadsmith is a little bread shop in town that makes wonderful bread.

The smell of fresh baked bread is something I could get used to.

The kids learned about all the ingredients that they used to make their bread. The bags of flour were a little larger than the ones the kids were used to seeing. The baker had the kids smell a few ingredients and try to guess what it was.

The got a tour of the kitchen and most of the kids were pretty impressed with the big mixer!

They each got a piece of bread dough to roll, squeeze, stretch and form.

The could make it into any thing they wanted.

Emma was busy working on her creation. It was fun to see the kids imagination take over. They really liked rolling it in the flour!

Emma's finished product was a bow tie.

And finally their masterpieces were put in the oven to bake and later that day they had the opportunity to eat their creation. It was a fun morning with Emma's Kindergarten class.

Emma's Missing Tooth

Emma finally lost her first tooth the real way and she was more than excited. She knocked her top tooth out the day before she turned two. It was traumatic for her and her mom. It involved a lot of blood, oral surgery and 11 stitches. She was so excited when she discovered a loose tooth on the bottom. She wiggled that little tooth forever but eventually it came out. So now she has quite the gap in her little mouth.

Catching Up

This week I have been going through pictures from the last months. Like I said in my previous post there is nothing easy about walking through loss in your life when the world keeps spinning by at a rapid pace but you feel like you are standing still. As I combed through pictures this week there were so many different emotions. I was reminded of how truly blessed I am. I am so thankful for my kids and the way they just make you keep moving through life. The way they can make you laugh even when you don't feel like laughing. The way they can hug and love you no matter what. Eric has been such a huge support to me. He has loved me in such amazing ways and has been right by my side as we have walked this road. There are many days he has actually carried me. There were holidays that were hard and yet God continues to reveal himself in new ways to me! There were moments in pictures or things that happened that made me wish I could have shared those moments good and bad with my friend. So as I looked through pictures I realized that life has been foggy but it has continued on. There are memories, love, celebrations, smiles, field trips, fun and just life that has happened even a midst the grief.

Life Forever Changed

On March 6 we got a phone call that would forever change my life. Eric received the call after we had crawled in bed and were on the verge of sleep. As I heard a piece of the conversation I new something was wrong. I stood in our doorway and begged Eric to tell me what was going on. He grabbed me and pulled me to our bed as he began to tell me that my best friend had been killed in a car accident. There is nothing that can prepare you for this type of news. After weeping for minutes and grasping at the possibility that this was a nightmare that I would wake up from I asked Eric if he was sure. It was one of those this can't be happening, did I hear him right moments so he called our friend back only to confirm that this nightmare was our reality. The days that followed were something I pray I never have to walk through again!

Leigh Ann was not just a friend but more like a sister that I never had. Eric and I met her and her husband at a softball game in the summer of 1998. We had just moved to Arizona and they were one of the first couples we met. We built a friendship with them and 2 other couples that would be friendships that would represent lives woven together with Christ's love. We walked through major ups and downs of life with these couples over the next years that drew us together as friends and made us cling to our heavenly Father in a new way. We call ourselves the Cabin Club!

My friendship with Leigh Ann was something that just came natural. It was easy and she got me as a women, mom and wife. I couldn't wait to be a mom with her. I still remember the heartbreak when we decided to move back to the Midwest shortly after Alexa as born. I was so excited to be closer to family but I was so sad as I was looking forward to being a mommy with her and now that wasn't going to be a reality. Little did I know that the miles and distance would cause our friendship to grow in a way I would never have imagined. We moved almost 7 1/2 years ago and during that time Leigh Ann and I talked almost every day. Many days we talked for over an hour. We ended up having our 2nd and 3rd babies near the same time. We were glad when our babies were on the same schedule so we could talk while we nursed. We became really good at multi-tasking. I often would save my bathroom cleaning, mopping, dusting, laundry or any other chore I could accomplish while we chatted. We found ourselves sitting outside watching our kids play or ride bike while we talked. We found ourselves saying hold on a minute often during our conversations to tie a shoe, get a snack, help with the bathroom and of course take care of a little discipline issues. We often wondered if we still lived by each other if we just hang out every afternoon instead of spend our afternoons on the phone.

Leigh Ann was such a humble, selfless example to me as a wife, mom and friend. She loved others deeply with Christ's love and loved well. She walked through many ups and downs with me in life. She knew by my voice if I was having a tough day. She knew the things I struggled with as a wife and mom and held me accountable in a gentle, loving way. The week she died she specifically asked me two questions that week about things she knew I was struggling with and was doing her job as a friend to hold me accountable. She laughed with me about the funny things my kids and even husband would do or say. She cried with me at some of the darkest times of my life. Even though we talked so much we were able to encourage each other and tried to encourage each other to keep our priorities straight. She would often say "I have an hour and then I told Bailey I would play a game with him" or I would say "hey in 30 minutes I really should try to get my Bible Study in while the kids nap." I knew I could count on after 30 minutes her saying "Ok go get your Bible Study done now!" She helped me keep my priorities in check!

A couple months ago Eric brought up the idea that we should get rid of our land line and just use our cell phones. It sent a sense of panic through me since we had unlimited long distance for $20 a month. I did not want to reveal the amount of time I actually talked to my friend. So I kept pushing him off. Finally he pushed so I said to him, "If we get rid of our land line you will then know how much Leigh Ann and I actually talk and we both with go broke!" He said, "Do you really think I don't have a clue?" I said, "No, I don't think you probably have a clue how much we talk!" In my mind I thought if he did he probably would have a response on the days that I say I was so busy that I didn't get anything done except still found time to talk to my friend. I have to say I do not regret one ounce of time that I spent on the phone with Leigh Ann. She encouraged and taught me so much about being a wife, mom and daughter of the King! Is the void huge now that she is gone? Yes, and often the days are overwhelming but the memories and time I did have with her are truly a gift, a treasure!

The questions come daily ... why her? Why does her husband have to walk through this? Why do her kids need to grow up without a mommy? Why my friend? I often cry out to God telling him in my mind it doesn't make sense? And yet I believe in a God that is sovereign! I believe in a God that promises his children eternity. I believe in a God that tells us our days are numbered. I believe in a God that has a plan for our life. I find comfort in knowing she had a relationship with Jesus Christ and she stands in his presence as I type this.

Her life and the way she lived it is an inspiration to me. She loved her husband, kids, family, friends, co-workers and others so well!! She was able to love so well because of Christ's love in her that poured out of her! These are the words written about her in her obituary:

Tonkinson, Leigh Ann
Leigh Ann Tonkinson, 35 of Gilbert, passed away on March 6, 2010 as an innocent victim of an automobile accident. Leigh was born in Mesa, AZ on Feb. 5, 1975 to Larry and Peggy Marten. There aren't enough words to tell how sincerely good she was to her husband, children, family, friends, and co-workers. Leigh Ann was a carbon copy of the Proverbs 31 woman. She loved Jesus Christ and through that love was able to love others in a way that will be so deeply missed. Leigh Ann was a graduate of Marcos De Niza ('93) and ASU ('98). She worked as a Nursing Supervisor at Phoenix Children's Hospital and was nominated as Nurse of the Year in 2008. But her biggest joy came from being a wife and mother. We miss you so much Leigh. Much more than our hearts can take. We may never understand why, but we hold close the truth that God is good. Leigh Ann ran the race so well and now she is enjoying Heaven. We all cannot wait to see you again. We love you. Leigh Ann is survived by her husband Greg; sons Caden, and Bailey; daughter Malia; brother Lance (Robin) Marten; and sister Reagan (Jaime) Guzman. Visitation will be held on Thursday, March 11th from 6-8 pm at Falconer Funeral Home 251 W. Juniper Ave. Gilbert, AZ 85233. Funeral Services will be held on Friday March 12th at 10:00 am at The Grove Bible Church, 20105 S Gilbert Rd. Chandler, AZ 85286. Funeral arrangements under the direction of Falconer Funeral Home: www.FalconerFuneral Home.com. In lieu of flowers, we have established the "Leigh Ann Tonkinson Memorial Fund" for donations that can be made at any Wells Fargo location.

What an honor and inspiration to be described as a carbon copy of the Proverbs 31 woman! She did it so well and with such joy! I pray that her life can and will inspire me and others as wives, mothers and daughters of the King!

The days have been hard, the void is huge! It feels as though you are in a fog and that your life stands still and yet the world continues to move at a rapid pace all around you. I wish there was a handbook on walking through grief and loss. I am walking day by day and sometimes hour by hour. I am so thankful for family and friends that have walked with us, encouraged us and prayed for us.

This blog has become more of a scrapbook of our families journey in life than what I had originally intended it to be. March 6 is part of our journey. It is a part I wish I didn't have to write and yet it is part of our journey. It is a day that will change our lives forever! So after weeks of contemplating of shutting my blog down or just posting about the kids riding bikes today and skipping over March I decided I needed to post about my friend Leigh Ann today. She has played a huge role in who I am as a wife and mom. I pray that her legacy continues to live on in my life. I miss the days were life seemed to be carefree. I miss the days where I don't feel so emotionally drained when I wake up in the morning. Yet I do have so many blessings in my life! I have 3 beautiful children, a wonderful husband, a little boy waiting for us in China, wonderful family and friends. I don't want to look back and regret missing out on blessings in my life. So I am trying to figure out a new norm in the midst of wading through this grief. As I had my camera out today watching the kids master bikes without training wheels with crashes and all Eric and I laughed and I found myself smiling as I took pictures of the kids on their bikes. It was refreshing! I know my friend would want this. She would want me to find joy in life, in my kids and husband and in the very fact that she stands in the presence God! I know the days, months and years to come with be hard, the void with remain and yet on this journey I pray that I can continue to see God's blessings amidst the pain!